


Twists And Turns

by superbella99



Series: Growing Up [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Apple Pie Life, Badass Reader, Banter, Bars, But you already knew that, Christmas, Christmas Presents, Dean Dies, Dean Winchester Comforts Reader, Dean trusts nobody, Demon Blood Addiction, Demons, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Growing Up, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Impala Conversations, Jokes, Leaving, Leaving Dean, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Meeting Again, Memories, Motel Rooms, Parting Ways, Phone Calls & Telephones, Photos, Promises, Returning Home, Reuniting, Sam Winchester Leaves, Sam Winchester is a Little Shit, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Snow, Tears, The Four Hoursemen, The Winchester Gospels, You Want Those Books Burned!, follows cannon, janitor closet, just life man, readers life, stiches, winchester bitch face
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-04-23 05:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14325468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superbella99/pseuds/superbella99
Summary: You and the Winchester boys have known each other for a long time. This fic follows the path of friendship, love, trust, change and self-discovery and your time growing up and living alongside the Winchester brothers.in this fic, you are Bobby's adopted daughter and are a year younger than Sam and five years younger than Dean.EXTRACT: June 20073.03 Bad Day at Black RockDean-28Sam-24You-23You knew the foot's powers and still, the boys had to call Bobby to confirm it. You just crossed your arms and tapped your foot before saying ‘I told you so’ when they got the exact same answer from Bobby.As Sam scratched lottery tickets and Dean almost jumped for joy, you just rolled your eyes.Starts at the beginning of season three. I do not include every episode but rather skip around a lot (it is in order though).2007-2010Follows along with canon and takes place inside a couple well-known episodes.Please read part one called The Early Years first!





	1. JUNE 2007

June 2007  
3.03 Bad Day at Black Rock  
Dean-28  
Sam-24  
You-23  
You knew the foot's powers and still, the boys had to call Bobby to confirm it. You just crossed your arms and tapped your foot before saying ‘I told you so’ when they got the exact same answer from Bobby.  
As Sam scratched lottery tickets and Dean almost jumped for joy, you just rolled your eyes.  
“Could get some grub already. I’m starving.” You complained, pissed at everything Dean did. “Let’s just go inside already.”  
“Ok ok, calm down princess.”  
“Don't call me that,” you counter, desperately trying to build walls and ignore his charm. You had to keep reminding yourself that you hated him. Oh, and also the fact that you were now officially dating his younger brother.  
Sam just chuckled and followed you inside. Dean jogged to catch up and entered seconds after you.  
Suddenly balloons and streamers are raining down from the ceiling and an alarm is ringing. The shouts of the owner ring out.  
“You are the one-millionth guest of the Biggerson's family restaurant”  
Cameras are flashing and people are clapping. It’s overwhelming but Dean was having the time of his life.  
The photo you have saved in your scrapbook shows all of your emotions clearly. Dean is over the moon, a smile plastered on his face. Sam is embarrassed, wishing that he could just fade into the backdrop, while also looking like he just ate a lemon, both surprise and sarcasm. Your standing in the middle. You're completely done, hair staticky from the balloons and the classic Winchester bitchface drilling into the camera.  
You begged to print it out. It was a memory you would treasure forever. And looking back you would laugh at each of your faces, but also at the irony. The flash of the camera reflected off of the poster and so, at the bottom it says FREE FOR ONE YEAR, referencing Dean’s impending doom. At the time it made you cry when you first noticed it on the website. But when it all passed it was a source of humour, even Sam would laugh when you brought it up.   
But with that selective moment came other memories. Things that made you happy, like Sam’s cute face when he said he lost his shoe or when Dean said he was Batman. Then, of course, there was the Bela thing and those dudes Gordon and Kubrick who were on a mission to kill your Sammy.   
There was also the lead up to the Ruby fiasco, but you hated being reminded of that. The three of you made a promise to never mention her and you were the one who stuck to it the most. 

Later you're bandaging up Sam’s wound. The bandages and stitching are all laid out on the bed and Sam is clutching the bottle of hard liquor you grabbed to sanitize. Straddling his lap you brush the pads of your fingers delicately over the area, mentally preparing yourself. Sam winces and you give him a swift peck on the cheek, reassuring him.   
You get to work. The bullet went clean through so you don't need to get it out - the most painful part- thank god. So you go straight to stitching up the entry and exit points before wrapping it all in bandages and creating a makeshift sling. You continually pat his arm or kiss up and around his jaw to keep him grounded and distracted from the pain.   
His hands come and wrap around your waist, bringing you closer when you're done. You melt into the wonderful spot between his shoulder and neck. You feel his gentle breath on the back of your neck and his hands rubbing circles on your back.   
He falls back onto the bed in which he was sitting on. You collapse on top of him, and after hearing some agonizing grunts, you switch to cuddling on the other side.  
The world seems to melt away as his warmth gives out like a furnace and the soft sound of his soothing breathing. All that's left is the surprisingly comfortable bed and the body beside you. Closing your eyes further pushes back at the knowledge of things other than yourself. The tender cocoon of warmth lulls you into a dreamless sleep, ones only had after the best of days.   
Your back in Sam’s arms. Just like in that clearing all those years ago, or the many hugs goodbye. Except this was the opposite, it was welcome. A welcome back after years apart, a comfort after ages of distance; it felt like home.


	2. DECEMBER 2007

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winchester sandwiches, presents and falling snow.   
> The perfect Christmas

December 2007  
3.08 A Very Supernatural Christmas  
Dean-28  
Sam-24  
You-23  
Your fudging kidding me.   
Christmas was already the worst time of year, the whole parent's death and all, then the brothers just had to investigate a series of killings. Then a stoned Santa was involved and all sanity was thrown out the window. Ho fudging ho.  
So, after stabbing Mr. and Mrs. Claus with a Christmas tree, you finally celebrate Christmas. The presents the boys get are easily predictable. Sam gets porno mags and shaving cream from Dean, obviously pointing at the ‘younger’ in younger brother. Sam is a little better at gifts and gets him ‘fuel him and fuel for his baby’ two of the three things he cares about. You got more creative and sentimental with your gifts.   
You bought sam a pack of playing cards, something mildly interesting and yet not personal, except not if you remembered the long nights when he tried and failed, to teach you poker. This came alongside a German to English dictionary (yes it was a weird thing to find in a gas station in the middle of nowhere, but hey, you've seen worse) as you remembered his love for languages.   
For Dean, you matched Sam with the motor oil, but also managed to find a box of only half squished, mildly stale doughnuts, something he had been complaining of having a lack of as of late. And a personalized mixtape (you got a hug for that) that you decorated yourself.  
You didn't really think of the impact or responses of your gifts until you were in a Winchester sandwich. Both brothers hugged you like the world was ending and you returned the strength. It felt nice to be surrounded by the warmth and comfort. Two of your favourite people in the world making what would normally be the worst time of year become the best. Even if the swaying and back pats ended when Dean cleared his throat and you took it as an ending and let go, giving them both kisses on the cheek.   
“Thanks for the best Christmas ever guys.”  
It was barely above a whisper but they both heard. Sam whispers it back with a quick kiss and a squeeze then turns and starts to say something to Dean.   
“Hey, Dean, y–“ he trails off, a hint of sadness ringing his voice, Dean looks up to meet him and you recognize Sam’s immediate regret.   
“Do you feel like watching the game?”  
And the spell is broken, and the heartfelt moment has passed and Sam has moved on. You can still feel the tension in the air thought as the three of you plop down on the couch.   
The tv is playing some football game, but you don’t give it any attention. Instead, you gaze out the window at the falling snow, past the profiles of the Winchesters, your boys.   
And as the night went on you slowly forgot about your sadness and what was yet to come, you just drank eggnog and read the Cosmo magazine that Dean bought you (he was horrible with girly gifts) as the snow fell and created the perfect winters wonderland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER  
> Dean dies and Sam leaves. But is this reality?


	3. FEBRUARY 2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You join Sam in an alternate reality where Dean dies and you don't wake up.

February 2008  
3.11 Mystery Spot  
Dean-29  
Sam-25  
You-24  
Sam acted really weird that Tuesday god knows how long ago. He was constantly on Dean’s back and being super overprotective, at least more than usual. He also kept going on about Dean dying, which was a constant subject anyway, a trickster and the song Heat of the Moment by Asia. It was very confusing.  
Then the worst thing happened, Dean actually died. Sure you knew it was going to happen, you could set your watch to it, and yet when you heard the shots your whole world crumbled.  
Sam didn’t fare any better.  
He drove until there was no more gas and he hadn’t eaten in days. He was drunk half the time and past exhaustion, he was like a robot. You tried to take care of him, be the girlfriend he needed and deserved, but you were barely surviving yourself. Soon it became too hard.

You sat in Bobby’s office nursing a beer, one of many, as you reread the same lore book for the hundred time. You had nothing better to do. Bobby kept you up to date on hunting news, always sneaking in something in about Sam, you would just yell at him to go away. The Winchester’s didn’t matter anymore, you’d lost both of them and you never wanted to again, it was hell.  
That brought about another wave of silent tears, it reminds you of Dean. the image of him suffering, with nothing for you to do to save him.   
Sleep rarely comes, but tonight it’s easy. The demons don’t infest your brain with pictures of limp cold bodies and the screams and sobs of agony. It’s peaceful and comforting, and slowly the world slips away…

You wake up in another’s arms. Back in Time plays over the radio alarm clock. Sam bolts awake beside you and you follow suit.  
After Sam grips Dean, almost killing him again, you realize something. The Trickster made you remember everything, not the infinite Tuesdays -no matter how many times Sam brought it up-, but rather the three months where Dean was gone and there was nothing left to live for. When Sam had gone.  
It was a life-changing experience. Dean didn’t remember anything, and Sam never told him. But he confided in you. He promised that he would never leave you and if Dean actually dies, ‘and I promise you he won’t’. He will stay by your side and the two of you can live a peaceful apple pie life. 

You were sat in a bar, the dark corners hiding your conversation. His hands were all over you and you wished you wanted to push them away.  
“I’m sorry that I left you.” This breath hot in your ear. His hands were still on your hips as you wrapped your own arms around his neck. His eyes were hooded and full of passion in the dark lighting, further driving the sexual tension.  
“It wasn’t you, it was a world created by the Trickster.” You reassured him, trying to convince yourself as well. You placed a kiss on his cheek for good measure.  
“But it wasn’t, I chose to ditch you at that bar, I chose to risk my life taking on all those big hunts, he didn’t choose for me.” Sam tried to say calmly, backing away- scared of his own frustration.  
“Please, just let it go, it’s about Dean now.”  
You tried to say it comforting but it came out harsh.  
Looking over Sam’s shoulder you could see Dean hitting on a chick at the bar, he almost looked happy. A slight smile slipped onto your face at the thought of how much you were thankful that he wasn’t gone yet.   
Sam leaned against the wall next to you and you start up the conversation again.  
“When he dies we’re going to have to make the most of it.” He turned to face you halfway through your sentence “If, we don’t know yet but there could be something we could do, don’t think like that!”  
“But we need to think about it! What are we going to do Sam, I barely survived.”  
“If he dies, and I promise you he won’t, we’ll move to some suburb somewhere and move on, okay? Try and forget this.”  
You wanted to slap him when he said that, the last thing you wanted was to settle down and forget that monsters and things that go bump in the night are real. The other side of you begged for that reality, a calm world with Sam by your side. A world where you woke up in his arms to the smell of fresh coffee. A life where you were on the parent-teacher board and did yoga on the weekends. It sounded like heaven.  
Instead, you just kissed his cheek and tried to forget, like he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER  
> The end has finally come.   
> Sam breaks a promise, you go home and Dean makes you confront your demons (or rather a demon).
> 
> Q Whats your favourite episode out of the three that I've written about? (Bad Day At Black Rock, A Very Supernatural Chrismas, or Mystery Spot) 
> 
> A Mine is probably Mystery Spot. it was both hilarious and heartbreaking, just perfect. But out of chapters I've written probably the Christmas one. I loved being creative and deciding what the presents were going to be.


	4. MAY 2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's dead, and then he's not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I didn't upload yesterday, I've not been on top of this as much and although I still write it is dwindling. Don't worry though I still have chapters to post and I will try to gather up some motivation.   
> Kudos and comments always help, readers often forget that writers need them to survive.  
> Anyway, don't stress I still have lots of chapters written that I can continue to work on and I promise to keep posting.  
> xx

May 2008  
4.01 Lazarus Rising   
Dean-dead  
Sam-26  
You-24/25  
Maybe life could have been a little bit better if you tried. Sam would still be with you, so would Dean. Lilith wouldn’t have torn you three apart and Dean wouldn’t have died and gone to hell. Ruby wouldn’t have stopped Sam from keeping his promise and maybe you’d still be together. Maybe.

You visited Dean’s grave as much as you could. Bobby wanted to give him a proper hunters funeral, burn him and everything he could cling to, but you still didn’t believe he was dead and Baby was just too special. And anyway Sam wanted Baby.  
The wood and twine cross was the only indication that someone was buried six feet below. The mound now covered in grass shows no signs of disturbance.   
The stay is quick. You’re heading back to Bobby’s after a quick and easy salt and burn. You know that Bobby hates that you visit the grave so often, so you mumble a quick message then head back to Sioux Falls. 

The tears stream down your face as your hand's grip onto the steering wheel for dear life. The only time you ever let your guard down is when you're alone in your car, nobody for miles. This time it’s on the drive out front of the scrap yard, not your proudest moment.  
You should be inside wishing Sam a happy birthday, he should be kissing you after you gave him the presents you bought months before. You should be giggling and stuffing cake into your mouth. Dean should be there, making some snarky comment with a smirk. But that’s far from reality.  
Instead, you put on a brave face and hug Bobby tight. You reminisce in your old childhood bedroom. You eat stew and gulp down beer. You spend your time training and reading, just like in your youth. Almost too much.  
The thing that makes it even weirder is the knock on the door that sends you back in time. It’s the eldest Winchester. That smug smirk on his face as he welcomes you into a hug.   
It’s Bobby that breaks it. A cut with a silver knife and a splash of holy water later and it’s all settled. Dean was resurrected from hell.  
“Well, sweetheart where’s lover boy?”  
Thankfully Bobby answers for you. You don't want to have this conversation, not ever.  
“Oh, he's alive. As far as I know.”  
Dean turns to face him instead, surprised and let down.  
“Good.... Wait, what do you mean, as far as you know?”  
“I haven't talked to him for months.”  
“You're kidding, you just let him go off by himself?” He turns to face you, needing your answer as well, you just nod.  
“He was dead set on it.”  
“Bobby, you should've been looking after him. And what about you?”   
His eyes drilled deeper and you mumble something out, maybe, he didn’t seem to understand.  
“I tried. These last months haven't been exactly easy, you know. For Sam, me or Y/N. We had to bury you. And she’s been through a lot losing both of you in a year, she’s been a fighter thought.” he turns to you with a weak smile, you return it.  
It’s Dean’s turn to nod as you just sit with your head in your hands. You let Bobby control the conversation as you check out.

 

The old flower printed duvet swallows you up as you lay still. You had to leave the conversation, they may be able to chat so casually but you can’t. Sam was the love of your life and now he’s gone off God knows where probably screwing some girl with big boobs and a low IQ.   
The only good thing is that Dean’s back. Maybe some stability will come back too. Your life will hopefully repair itself, maybe you’ll get back some normality.  
The mattress audibly sags. The smell of gunpowder, booze and sickly cologne fills your senses, it smells like home. Sandy brown hair can be spotted from your peripheral vision but you don’t turn to face the green eyes you know are beneath it.  
The warm body is given a voice. “You ok?” That’s always the question. After long silences or a hunt, are you ok?  
You didn’t really have an answer, should you give him the long story- all the heartbreak and lonesome, or the short and sweet, yet so incredibly fake, ‘I’m fine’.  
Dean doesn’t give you a choice “I know your not ‘fine’, I’ve got the time sweetheart.”

When you see her face all your nightmares are now a reality. All the images of him and a blurry girl with the perfect figure and face now is before you.  
As soon as she opens the door your heart sinks. Dean grips your arm and keeps you stationary, he knows your flight instincts and knows that you need to face Sam.  
After the preliminary explanation that Dean is, in fact, Dean, Kathy or whatever her name is leaves and all hell breaks loose, again.

You wish that you could blend into the drab wallpaper behind you. You feel suffocated, claustrophobia chokes you. Your eyes dart to the door, begging for an escape.  
Sam is avoiding you like the plague, and you're doing likewise. As soon as your gazes meet you snap away. As soon as he gets within a foot of you he draws back. It’s nauseating.  
You make a break for it, sickness bubbling in your stomach. You can’t stand it anymore. Sam's nonchalance and avoidance set you off. You loved him with every atom of your existence, and he can’t keep his promise, he cheats on you, he leaves.  
The wind picks up and your arms wrap around yourself as you stand frozen and alone in the motel parking lot. Your mind is racing as you hyperventilate and try to get friction on your arms.   
Then the tears escape. You make no effort to stop them, blinking faster to clear your vision. The sobs bring you to your news as you collapse onto the curb, a bawling shivering mess.  
Your emotions leak out and dig your vision. Your body trembles at the thought of facing him again. Your hands wipe away the tears as you continue to hear a conversation echoing from the room.

That’s how Dean finds you, a crumbled mess outside. Red tear soaked cheeks and sniffling nose. A crybaby.  
But he doesn’t do his usual joke to lighten the mood, he’s gotten better. He just sits down next to you and shows that he’s there. And that’s all that matters.

He try’s to apologize, you don’t let him, you don’t want anything from him. You just want to move on, and maybe you’ve now got the chance. Looks like an apple pie like ain’t in the picture no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER  
> "You sat at a bar alone. Again.  
> You didn’t leave like last time, it wasn’t sudden and harsh. You tried to make it work, you really did."


	5. OCTOBER 2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bars and Manhattans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a short chapter, I’ll be posting again soon!

October 2008  
Dean-29  
Sam-25  
You-24  
You sat at a bar alone. Again.  
You didn’t leave like last time, it wasn’t sudden and harsh. You tried to make it work, you really did.  
You hunted with Dean, you couldn’t face Sam. You stuck to small salt n’burns and demons. You slept and ate a lot, but also drank a lot more. You were breaking and Dean noticed.  
He left you to do the research, he left you to stand guard, he left you to join his brother. Turns out you weren’t family, and family comes first.  
Last you heard they were hunting a rugaru in Missouri. You kept in touch with everyone else though. Jo called regularly and Bobby kept you informed about everything in the hunting world, which of course also meant the Winchesters.  
From all the demons you ganked you also heard about Sam’s sexual adventures. The demon blood and Ruby, who you relized you had formerly met. That skank.

Instead of thinking of that you concentrate on the beer in your hand and the ache of your feet from the heels you desperately wanted to kick off. You avoided the cellphone that was just inches away, tucked in your bag.  
You had listened to the voicemails hundreds of times, you knew them off by heart. A part of you begged to hear his cracking voice and listen to those sickly sweet words. Hoped to hear him say those threes words again, like he meant it. Say that everything was over and that you could come home.  
But you don’t.  
As soon as you pick up that phone there’s no stoping drunk Y/N. You don’t want to risk leaving another one, just so you could receive one back. And god forbid they actually pick up.   
So you you drown yourself in alcohol and wish that you were actually in Manhattan and not just drinking one. Every single dive bar was the same, an endless rotation kept you busy and tired.   
The bed back at the motel calls for you and you almost give in. Your begging for a shower and a new change of clothes, but your emotions and memories cloud your judgemental, as they always do.  
Instead, you’ll probably find some hot but douchy guy for a half assed one night stand. You’ll do a walk of shame at an ungodly hour of the morning before finally collapsing into bed. That’s what happed most nights.  
You see hazel and green eyes, you try and forget them. Long brown hair enters your vision but you brush it away. Knees that never touch and are so god damn sexy pop up, alongside broad shoulders. You blink it away. It’s a mirage, it’s all fake, a hallucination. Forget them, forget all their perfect features.   
You have to.


	6. JANUARY 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to school and janitorial closets.

January 2009  
4.13 After School Special   
Dean-30  
Sam-25  
You-24  
You hate going undercover. You hate school as well but that’s nothing new.  
It’s hard to fake a resume when applying to be an English teacher. After a little bullshitting and Bobby on the phone as the principal of some school no one has ever heard of, your now teaching English lit in class 3E.  
The janitorial supply closet on the second floor is your sanctuary. Earl, the janitor, doesn’t use it as often, and almost never during your breaks. If you ignore all the chemicals with a biohazard sign on them and the spiders, it’s not half bad.  
Your in the middle of scrolling on your bulky laptop when the door swings open and light floods your vision. You almost drop the electronic held awkwardly in your arms.You start to form an apology to Earl. But he’s both there.  
It’s Sam fucking Winchester were a janitors uniform instead.  
He looks as surprised as you are as you stand stalk still staring at the man before you.  
“Nice slacks” you say, commenting on the tacky blue pants that surprisingly fit his tall frame.  
“Nice blouse.” You just nod.  
“So..” you drag on, not sure how to andswer.  
Sam gets over it faster and jumps in to asking about the hunt he knows your here for.  
Demon possessing kids? Ya I’m here for that, found anything?  
Nothing we didn’t already know.  
Same.. where dean?

Dean, of course,is the gym teacher.  
He immediately grins when he sees your firm striding over alongside his brother.   
“Keep playing!” He yells at the kids currently playing a very intense game of dodge ball.  
He pulls you into a bear hug and makes a cocky comment about your atire. “You look like my English teacher from eighth grade.” He kids.  
“I am an English teacher.” You chuckle back, glad to be laughing and joking again. It just comes naturally with dean.  
Sam clears his throat.  
And then there Sam. When you are together it’s like heaven. The stars alight and everything is perfect. Then darkness comes and everything falls apart in an instant.   
You wished for it to be better. Every time you went back to him the light returned but you were always pulled away, every single time.   
Right now Dean is looking like the better option.

When you finally burning that stupid lock of hair that started this hole mess, and basically saving Sam from the son of a gun, you never want to say gooodbye. You’ve forgotten how fun and natural hunting with the boys feels. You can read each other like a book and know everything the others are thinking. Your the link that just makes everything click.   
So you ditch the Mazda that you stole a week earlier (you hated it anyway, it was no Baby) and hop into the back of the impala.  
It’s hard to forgive him, but it’s even harder trying to forget. You just try and put it behind you. You know it will never get back to normal, but you can relax knowing that everything will workout eventuality; you might just need to sleep next to Dean for a while.


	7. MAY 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is locked up to get him sober after he was addicted to demon blood. You just don't understand why they hate him so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Sammy. I'm sorry that you have to spend it thinking that everyone you love hates you. Hopefully, next year's is better!

# 

May 2009

4.21 When The Levee Breaks 

Dean-30

Sam-26

You-25

You're the only thing keeping him grounded, the only thing that distracts him from the never-ending nightmares. Bobby and Dean don’t understand, they say he’s a monster, that he’s lost his mind, and as much as you try and empathize, you still cling to same struggle.

He’s been to hell and back, he’s been through so much, and he still stands strong. Sure he’s made some bad decisions, but so does everybody. You’ve tried to forgive him, you just wish everyone else could too.

Seeing him chained to the bed is horrible. You want to join him, clutch into his trembling arms and hold him tight, but that last time he flung you hard into a wall. The tremors get worse and you almost give in. One peck on the cheek won’t hurt, but you stay in your corner.

Dean was harsh, demanding and protective. He ordered you to just stay in the seat, only after you begged and begged for him to let you keep Sam company. He needed you, you needed him. Dean gave in. 

You know it been hard on him, he's just trying to protect you because of his lack of trust. That's what he's been lacking lately. He never quite believes everything, taking it all with a grain of salt. He's constantly on guard because he thinks no one has his back, No matter how hard you try to convince him otherwise. He's dead set. And the one hit the worst is his own flesh and blood, his only family left - he says you don't count, that you're different as if that is supposed assure you.

You here your name, not a groan or a whisper like before, but a blood-curdling scream that cuts right to the core. 

“Stop!” He yells at no one, he’s staring at a blank wall, “Dean, Stop!” 

It’s louder now, more urgent. “Shut up! Just—shut. The hell. Up. Both of you!” He’s now yanking his chances and yelling with a hoarse voice like he’s been screaming for years.

You are terrified now, not only for Sam but for your own safety. It’s not just physically though. If he’s saying your name in such a harsh way then he must be having hallucinations of you and Dean saying horrible things. That thought is confirmed when Sam speaks again, this time softer but still pained. 

“Don't say that to me. Don't you say that to me.”

It rips you to pieces, you don’t have time to pick them up as the tears fall and your bang on the door for Dean to let your out. You scream, hoping he will here you as Sam’s echo in the background.

Then you hear the sound of chains and you whip around to see Sam shaking his bruised wrists out if their bindings. He struggles towards you as the door your leaning on swings open.

_You know where he’s going,_ you sprint up the stairs.

_It’s Ruby,_ you burst into the living room. 

_You’ve let him go,_ Dean runs out the door and it bangs shut. 

_It’s all over,_ you collapse onto the couch. 

_Even I can’t save him,_ the tears start to fall.

_Castiel freed him,_ you curl up.

_ “Goodbye” _

Why did he have to mean so much to you, both of them? Why do they feed on your tiny bit of sanity that remains locked away, unlike your heart? If you had a life you would have left already, or at least stayed gone. But their your only family and you can’t keep relying on Bobby all the time, you have to grow up, make your own decisions. 

So that’s when you started doing your own hunts. If the brothers were busy, you ditched. If Dean was distant, you found a demon or two. You tried not to let them control you. You wanted freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER  
> Demons demons demons.   
> And a special guest appearance- War!


	8. JULY 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn't trust Sam, it's a major demon case that cements that. One that involves much more than just some bitchy demons with black eyes. This time no one is safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last chapter was pretty Sam-centric, and it's going to like that for a while. But the apocalypse is coming and futures change. So Dean!Girls don't worry. ;)

July 2009  
5.02 Good God Y'all   
Dean-30  
Sam-26  
You-25  
Lucifer, that’s all anyone talks about these days. That and the impending apocalypse, that’s kinda big.  
You wanted to have your own thing, wanted some distance. This case in the form of a hunt of course.  
The huge amount of demon activity and the huge amount of protective spells and signs it’s was a clear sign that something big was happening.  
Stupidity, you went in alone. You didn’t try and lie and trick the boys into joining you. It would just be easier to use the element of surprise and go in guns blazing.

The rumbling sound of a car engine and the soft grumbling of low voices. The soft leather seats and the view of an empty highway. That’s what fills your senses when you come to.  
The voices are still hushed, the seats cold, your body still. You don't dare move as to alert the other occupants and throw out a prime opportunity to eavesdrop. You stay listening.  
“What are we going to do with her?” Dean's voice starts, angry and hostile.  
"Don’t talk like that, Dean" Sam tries to calm him down, thankfully taking your side it would seem.  
"Like what?" the anger never wavering.  
"Like she’s an object, a possession. She’s a human being."  
"Fine! What was she thinking, busting into a huge nest of demons alone? Who does she think she is?" his protective side shines through.  
"I don’t know anymore either Dean, I think she’s just as wound up and frustrated as we are."  
"You're backing her up? She almost got herself killed, it was only your geeky hacking that got her GPS coordinates and saved her." of course, you were wondering how they found you. Sam just sighs.  
"Dean, lower your voice, you're going to wake her." he threatens back.  
You took this as a good queue to fake wake up and tried your best to imitate a groggy rousing. You faintly heard a muffled “speak of the devil” from Dean but pretended not to notice.  
"Where are we going," you asked, trying to forget and move on from the conversation you heard. glad that they hadn't brought it up.  
"Huge city infested by Demons." answers, craning his neck around to tell it directly to your face.  
"Glad you got to practice." Dean jokes, obviously pissed.

When you see Jo’s jet black eyes is when it all goes to shit. Next thing you know she’s calling her mother an ‘evil skank’ and attacking her. The world flips as you and Sam jump to attention.   
Suddenly Ellen is free and Sam yells for her to run. Motioning for you to flee as well but you stand your ground, not going down without a fight. Fight or flight, hunters always choose fight.  
Cocking your gun, you turn about and hear a pound thump as Sam gets hit from behind. Your next, blackness taking over your vision as you make out Sam’s shifting form and the sound of a deep and dark voice.   
“Got you now, you bastard!”

You wake up to the splash of water on your face and the menacing grin on Jo’s face. Then salts forced into your mouth as you notice Sam gagging next to you. You go to scream but the coarse salt turns them into muffled grunts.  
Then Rufus is spewing an exorcism while Sam continues to beg them to stop, your voice joins in as you rid your mouth of the salty gag. More and more water and salt are dumped over your head and the chanting continues.   
Sams begs drone on. The rope digs into your wrists. The salt water is in your eyes. Jo and Rufus leave. Then a man walks in.  
It’s War, and he’s going to have hell to pay.

You blocked out most of it, not in the moment, but later, it’s one of those memories where you just cringe from it so much that your brain just automatically shuts it out, makes you forget just minutes after.  
You remember some moments. When it clicked that Dean was right about the four horsemen and your and Sam exchanged glances. That moment of dread when War brought up demon blood. The horrible thwack as Rufus backhands Sam, you twisting away, scared for your turn.  
The one thing you remember vividly is the bursting open of the door and the relief to see its Dean. The undoing of restraints and the confirmation that everyone is on the same page about the Horsemen. The sprint down the steps on the search for the ring. The red mustang you can’t help but admire and the reflection of light glittering off of Ruby’s knife. The clink of the ring bouncing off the ground below and Dean reaching to pick it up. 

You both know that Dean doesn’t trust Sam, Sam’s the one to bring it up. It’s only when he turns to you that it becomes real.  
“You can come with me if you want.” It’s soft, bashful.   
You wished you could say yes, go live an apple pie life. But instead, you say the opposite. Or at least try,   
“No, you go. I’m going to go my own way. But I’ll escape with you.” A soft smile slips over Sam’s face at that last muttered line, a throwback to the promises made and never kept. You'd never make it into Stanford anyway, but maybe this one you can keep.  
Dean looks disappointed as the two of you grab your stuff from the Impala and walk together towards the road ahead. Sam strides to a pickup truck and you hop in. Sam squeezes your hand and you look up, a reassuring smile looking back at you.   
The driver looks through the rearview mirror at the two of you. “So how long you lovebirds been together.” Sam glances at you.  
“Long enough.” Is the only answer you give and it seems to match Sam’s intentions. You need some distance, some time apart to clear your head. Sams nodding head and tight-lipped smile is all the reply you need.  
And before long your driving into the distance, never looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER  
> Sam talks to someone, someone from his past. You try to move on from the life you left, turns out that's harder than it seems.


	9. AUGUST 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Apple-Pie life. But the devil stops by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this chapter is short, I'm sorry. But just wait... the next chapter is on the longer side (for me anyway).

August 2009  
5.03 Free To Be You And Me  
Dean-30  
Sam-25  
You-24  
Sam started working at a bar. You take claim as a librarian, something you never considered being but Sam said you suited it - it was probably because of all the research you did. Life tried to continue on as normal, Sam was the first to move on. He told you he was going out with a girl named Lindsay, you tried not to be jealous.  
At first, you were set in continuing to hunt, ditching Sam along the way. But you just couldn’t pull yourself away and Sam seemed to feel the Same. So, you found a nice apartment in a quiet town and built up a perfect life.  
He worked late hours and you worked mornings so you only saw each other at lunch. It was usually it’s out at a cafe or some takeout from the Chinese place around the corner.   
This time he leaves earlier, before noon. You know why he’s obviously having lunch with that Lindsay girl instead. You try not too let it get to you as you spend your afternoon alone.   
Then at about dinner time, the loneliest part of the day, a man with blood coming out of his mouth and bruises on his arms rips through the door. You hunter instincts kick in, but maybe not the right one.   
The knife you were using to chop vegetables flips into a stabbing grip as you go into a defensive stance. Sam looks shocked as he wearily raises his hands in surrender.   
You soften as his voice reassuring you. The knife is replaced by a first aid kit when suddenly your maternal hunter instincts take over instead. Sam just calmly sits down, the life drained out of him as you check for any open wounds or broken bones.  
“I’m fine Y/N, really I’m fine. I just need to lie down.”  
You want to put up a fuss, begging him to tell you what happened, why he’s in such bad shape. But you let it go. You mentally remember to ask him about it tomorrow. Turns out some other hunters roughed him up, probably because of the whole apocalypse thing.  
“Ok, just take a shower first, your all sweaty.” You kid before retreating to your own room.  
Soon enough, completely forgetting about the meal you were preparing, you’ve collapsed into bed. Sleep doesn’t come easy and your left staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours  
Then you hear a voice through the wall separating the two bedrooms. It’s Sam talking to himself, but only one half of the conversation. He keeps referring to somebody as Jess, but there’s nobody replying. Then, as you situate yourself with your ear against the wall, he brings up Lucifer.  
The last thing you hear is a pleading “Why me?” That echoes in your head as you crawl back into bed.   
You can’t sleep, the darkness seems to swallow up all the exhaustion that you’ve had all day. All that’s left is anxiety and a hole in your heart.  
Sammy will never say yes to being his vessel, he’s too strong, he’ll fight it. You try and reassure yourself while resisting the urge to pick up the phone and call Dean. 

The last time you called he actually answered.   
It seemed that your life now revolved around phone calls, mostly made in the middle of the night when the world seems close in. It’s usually Jo that you call but lately, you've found comfort in Dean gruff whisper he uses in the middle of the night.  
There have been plenty other phone calls late at night. All those times with Sam while he was away at Stanford. Ones with Dean, mainly about research or something hunter related, but not all the time. When he didn’t leave voicemails, you answered. Cheesy jokes and bad pickup lines. Flirting that you tried to brush off but couldn’t help but take to heart. It was all there and more.  
So maybe you should call him, you want to hear his voice again. Hopefully, he’ll call you sweetheart again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER  
> "Dude. You just got whaled on by Paris Hilton!"


	10. SEPTEMBER 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dude. You just got whaled on by Paris Hilton!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it been so long since I last posted and sorry for the crappy chapter. :(

September 2009  
5.04 Fallen Idols  
Dean-30  
Sam-25  
You-24

“What made you change your mind?” Dean turns to follow the voice,   
“Long story. The point is...maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human.” there's a softness in his voice as he aknowloges that no matter the situation, the three of you are batter altogether. Then sam speaks up,  
“Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down.” he responds with the same warmth and a slight smile in your direction.   
“Oh, I know it. I mean, you two are the second-best hunters on the planet.” Dean jokes, trying to lighten the mood, and it works. Sam gives him a slight nod and you roll your eyes.  
“So, what do we do now?” you ask, addressing both the brothers in front of you.  
“We make our own future.” Dean just states.  
“Guess we have no choice.”

 

That’s how it went, a reunion after a short-lived civilian life. Sam carries on as if there was no break, like that month and a half never happened.  
Like all those nights where he’d confess his greatest sins over whisky and you’d cry all your tears into his flannel shirt. The want and need to just rip the fabric away, the list clear in his hazel eyes. The darkness where you could pretend that the spark wasn’t there.  
So you forgot as well, as you try to do with most things. It’s you have a good memory and it floats around in your head, all those almost perfect moments.  
Dean tries to forget as well. All the whispered conversations and the hugs that Sam gets after. The whisky that disappears faster than normal and your bloodshot eyes that keep reappearing.

Dean loves cars, like really likes cars.   
He has a shit eating grin when he first sees this ‘Little Bastard’ or whatever it’s called.  
When you say that to Sam, Dean looks appalled. He’s horrified at your cleats knowledge of nothing to do with cars, and you're proud.  
Then you get hit by a bus, or an entire day worth, probably weeks worth of research if it wasn’t for Sam. You know spending your afternoon tracing back an engine number all the way back to the 50s. Sam just sighs.

Your no basic bitch But everyone’s heard of Paris Hilton. I mean, come on. Then it turns out she might be a homicidal maniac and Sam was attacked by Gandhi. It’s been a hell of a day. Then the Leshi bitch, disguised as Paris Hilton, smacks you square across your face and stops on Dean’s face. That bitch has no chill.

You're smaller and lighter than the boys, so naturally, you slip out of unconsciousness later and miss half of the monologue. Sam and Dean are wiggling at their restraints and reaching for the axe now located in the tree, if only it was cutting through her neck. You keep her occupied.  
"Awww, looks like sleeping beauty’s awake." she teases.   
You fight the urge to clap back, use your best punchline, convey enough sass to challenge the Winchester’s. You bite your tongue.  
"Now, I was just explaining to hot stuff over there."   
You bite down harder on your tongue, close blood.  
"How I can read his little mind. I know who your hero is. Your daddy. Am I right?" She says, turning to face Dean, a smirk pulling through the Botox.  
Dean doesn't reply. She smirks and walks over to the tree with the axe embedded in it. When her back is turned, Dean pulls at his ropes again. He’s desperately trying to free himself.  
"And this belonged to him. Didn't it? Poor little Dean. All you ever wanted was to be loved by your idol. One distant father figure, coming right up."  
She almost touches it, she almost turns into the man that both made and broke your childhood. But you are too quick.  
Dean’s free and sprinting over to her, ripping her away from the tree. Your right behind. It only takes a second and Paris Hilton is on top of him and punching his lights out.  
When you get close enough you push her off, kicking her ribs and waiting for Sam to cut off her head. She grabs onto your leg through and pulls you down. She’s almost got you pinned.  
Then off with her head!   
Sam swings five times, full of anger, panting inf bloodied. The movement of his shoulders matching his heavy breathing, the axe still in his grip. You stare up at him, still in shock.  
“Not a word”  
It’s Dean, truly asking his brother to not tell anyone that he just got beat up by Paris Hilton. If you weren’t half conscious and shocked you would have burst out laughing.   
"Dude. You just got whaled on by Paris Hilton!"

 

That’s how it ended. The police are going to arrest Paris Hilton and the three of you are reunited. Everything seems perfect. But as you sat alone in the backseat of the Impala the memories crawled back in. That night when Sam came home bloody, that conversation you heard. The wasn’t the end of it.  
He talked to you as well, he said there was something special about you, that the Winchester’s were just backups and who he truly wanted was you. It was hard to fight him as he kept talking. Maybe it was your love for Sam, how you would do anything to protect him, but you promised that when he needed you you’d say yes. You would do it to protect Sam, to save the world. Thais time you could actually do something good, you would feel special.  
You'd be lucifers vessel, his true vessel.


	11. JANUARY 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death and Hysteria.

January 2010  
5.10 Sam, Interrupted  
Dean-31  
Sam-25  
You-24

You should have been admitted to a mental institution long ago, and not just to save lives and kill a monster. Turns out drowning everything in whiskey isn’t healthy.  
You tell the doctor your like story, every gory and disturbing detail, along with the super traumatic shit, which is everything. About halfway through the very in-depth explanation of demons and joe to kill them, they actually stop you and tell you right then and there that you're accepted. Just like that.

You can’t help but stare when you first see Sam and Dean wearing there white scrubs things, damn they look good in everything. They seem to do the same even though your hair is a mess and the uniform is all baggy and slightly see-through, maybe that’s what they're staring at. Their gazes snap up as you draw near, yours as well.   
“So what’s the plan boys?”  
“Well, we should start by being brought up to speed by Martin.”  
“Sounds good, I’m going to go talk to some of the girls while you do that.”  
“Hey! That’s my job.” Of course, it’s Dean.  
“Fine, go be a creep and break into the girl's wing.”  
That shut him up.  
"Ok then, let’s go."

"Ugh, I need to scrub my hands. I hate morgues."  
"You wore gloves, you're fine."  
"It’s still gross."  
"I can’t believe that pudding thing worked"  
"Crazy works man, no one questions you if you're crazy"  
You just roll your eyes.

You keep seeing the wraith. It’s Sam and Dean. It’s the nurses it’s the doctors. It’s the patients. Everyone is out to kill you, nowhere is safe, not even the white room you're stuck in.  
They say your crazy, they say your insane and that your going to rot in here forever. You believe them.  
You hunch in a corner, wrapped up in a ball, knees pulled up toe chest.  
The white walls spin, warping and create illusions. The snow on the tv haunts your thoughts. The creak of the walls settling makes you flinch.  
You only think of one thing. Watching your friends die. The woman who raised you and the woman you called your sister. The women who you lived, the women who loved and adored you. They sacrificed themselves so you could save the world. That’s more than you ever wanted. And you never wanted it to end this way.  
That’s not how your hallucinating brain works though.   
You scream until no noise comes out and your throat feels like it got ripped out. You punch the wall until your knuckles are raw and bloody. You cry until your eyes feel like their bleeding. You call their names as the nurses strap you down to the bed. You flail your limbs as they try and secure them down. You hyperventilate while they pump medicine and drugs into your system.  
Then it’s just black.

 

“Okay, this is it. I'll see you on the other side. Probably sooner than later.” It’s Dean that speaks, trying hard to keep it together.  
“Make it later.” Is the response from Jo, gathering up every last drop of courage. But she can’t stop the waterfall from flowing down her cheeks.  
Dean kisses her, first on the forehead then sweetly on the lips. With an audience, they keep it short. Then they just lean their heads together, savouring the last seconds.  
You sit down next to her, breaking away from Sam’s arms. “I love you.” Is all you gets out before the two of you become a blubbering mess. “I’ll miss you.”   
“I guess sisters in law is out of the question.” Are her last words to you. It brings about a faint chuckle from both of you.  
Ellen comes back to sit by Jo. They watch each other for a moment and Ellen smiles.  
it’s clear what she’s going to do.  
“Mom, no.”  
“Somebody's gotta let them in. Like you said, you're not moving. You got me, Jo. And you're right, this is important.”  
Jo just nods.  
“But I will not leave you here alone.”  
Sam breaks the spell. “Dean—“  
“Get going now, boys. And you take care of them Y/N."   
“Ellen—“  
“I said go.” And those are her last words to you.  
The Winchester’s are quite as they turn to leave, but you just can’t part. It’s Ellen’s reassuring smile that gives you some ounce of comfort.  
Sam attaches himself to your arm and guides you out. But not without OMG last glance over your shoulder. Your last glimpse of the women you're proud to know and love.

 

They notice your bloodshot eyes, the tears stained cheeks. The half moon embedded in your palms from pressing your nails on a fist. The bruised knuckles and a slight limp from kicking and banging on the wall. The way you avoid their gaze and push back against touches and hugs.  
But just because the noticed doesn’t mean they acknowledged it. That’s the rule, ignore it and it will go away, forget it and it never happened.   
You register the resistance to comfort you and the looks exchanged. The blanket that somehow found it’s way wrapped around your shoulders. The quiet music playing and the muffled voices. The cloths laid out so you can change out of the white uniform.   
You are so hopped up on drugs that you barely notice, they definitely think you don’t. You can hardly walk straight and spend most of the time in bed. They think it because of the medicine that the ward injected you with, you think it’s so much more.

Lucifer haunts your dreams like a cat stalking its prey. His twisted lies pull you in, his eyes boring into your mind. The chanting of yes and the screams for forgiveness you hope that Sam and Dean can’t hear.  
You know what you half to do, you know the stakes. It’s all up to you. You will jo linger be the girl who tried to save the world and came up too short. You're going to save it, save Sam, defeat Lucifer and pray to god nothing goes wrong.  
But does anything ever go to plan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER   
> You meet some new friends.


	12. March 2010

5.18 Point of No Return  
Dean-31   
Sam-25  
You-25  
It’s nice to see Bobby again. It’s nice to hug him and hear the words slip out of his mouth. The over excessive swearing and nicknames. The grumbling and mumbling that swells up to a yell. Or just the pay on the back that reminds you that your home safe.  
And it fours feel like home. The four of you make up a family. Your boys, your home on the road and your family. All the flannel and stubble. The deep voices and beer. It’s home.  
Then it’s an invasion of privacy. You meet an angel, fat older than his looks indicate, hard and worn yet still as innocent as a happy go lucky puppy. It’s refreshing to have someone new around.   
But then there another Winchester. A boy only a couple years younger than you, probably just becoming an adult. He has that look about him, he’s a Winchester through and through, but he doesn’t have the pain. He still has something to live for, he can still get out.  
You think about him often, far more than Sam or Dean ever will. They’ve forgotten, they’ve moved on. They tried to forget that they left their own blood to suffer for eternity in the cage with Lucifer.  
So you try and think positive. He got to live a relatively normal life. John actually paid him attention and cared. That makes you think harder. It was 2001 when he was 12. That was the year that Sam called you late at night and told you about how nobody else cared. When you promised him your future and him his. When life started to crumble down around you. That was the same year that Sammy left for Stanford.

The youngest Winchester wakes up and his first words are “Where am I?”   
Sam jumps into action, finally stepping into the big brother role “It's okay. Just relax, you're safe.”  
It’s just answered with “Who the hell are you?”  
“You're going to find this a little...a lot crazy, but we're actually your brothers.”   
“It's the truth. John Winchester was our father, too. See, I'm Sam and that’s Dean.”  
You still haven’t been introduced, you are standing back, trying not to scare or overwhelm him. But his eyes fall on you and focus hard.  
“You’re Y/N.” He states, not paying attention to his brothers anymore. “I know who you are”  
It takes you by surprise, how does this boy know you. What’s happening. You barely manage to get out a quick “How?”  
“They warned me about you.” Well, that’s super ominous.  
“Who did?” Dean questions, intriguing as well.  
“The angels. Now where the hell is Zachariah?  
“So why don't you just tell us everything? Start from the beginning.”

The little voice explains it all. You don’t concentrate on the moving lips and confusing words. You listen to the little voice that tells you how powerful you are, how perfect you are. How you need to sacrifice yourself. You believe it.  
It tells you stories of conversations out of earshot and decisions that were made. All the times that no one believed in you, all the times that nobody cared. All the feelings that were never felt. And the promise that none of it was lies.  
Some may call it brainwashing, some may doubt your strength. Some will try and find your weakness. You need to rise above it. You need to be the one. You and that lanky kid in the corner are going to save the world.  
Sounds like a bad graphic novel says the little voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and leave kudos!


End file.
